Breakthrough Life Coach for Women's Issues

Many of the clients I deal with struggle with what I call “extreme thinking.” It is really the kind of thinking that basically divides life up into extremes. It is an “all or nothing” “black or white” approach to life. The problem with extreme thinking or “polarized” thinking is that possibilities become very limited.

I will use an example in the realm of dieting because most women can relate to this example. Janie is on a diet and has done pretty well for three days and then she slips and eats a piece of cake. She has “fallen off the horse” so to speak. Rather than admitting that she cheated and getting back on the diet for the rest of the day, she binges the rest of the afternoon. She believes she blew it so she might as well forget it and just indulge. The next day she feels so bad about herself that she decides to forget the diet altogether. Sound familiar?

Here is another example. Margie wants to become an author but sees no possibility of that because she works full time and is a housewife and mother. She is stuck in an “either or” mindset. Adrian wants to go into ministry but has a full time job and has to work for financial reasons. For both of these women it is either or. Why not both and? Why not do ministry be on the side? Why does Adrian have to leave her job to do ministry? Why does Margie have to stop being a wife and mother to be an author? What if there are possibilities that Margie has never thought of? If you have an “either or” perspective, you do not see the possibilities.

As long as we have extremes in our thinking, “either or” “all or nothing” we close down possibility thinking. Life becomes relegated to “black and white” or “either or.” Life is not always so cut and dry or simplistic and definitely not so one dimensional. We can also make decisions that are not always so “either or” but can definitely be “both and.” Why not? When we move past extreme thinking, we discover that life can be really open up for us with possibilities we never thought possible.